Monthly Archives: August 2010

cracker jacks

This past week has been beautiful for my soul. Not easy. In fact, quite difficult but a necessary process as I walk out my story. This morning, as I was washing dishes, doing laundry, making cookies, taking sheets off my bed, cleaning Bailey’s room, cleaning out the fridge, getting ready for work and folding clothes Yes. I was doing all of this at once,  it hit me.
I.
am.
a.
single.
mom.
The tears started flowing as I scooped the last 2 oatmeal cookies onto the cookie sheet. Bailey was in the other room pretending to attack the “Queen” with a princess ball. Then, as quickly as the tears started, the Lord, in His loving kindness met me with these words.
This is only a season & you must go thru this in order to get what I have for you. 
Oh sweet Jesus. How you meet me in my little storm. YOU don’t pull me out but you smile upon me as I seek Your face.  YOU hold my hand. YOU let me cry on your shoulder. YOU look me in the eyes of my soul and and fill my heart with with joy and peace and grace to keep going. YOU are a faithful GOD  who, despite knowing me fully, still stands confidently by my side.

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Dangerous Wonder

The numbness of my soul began to dissipate, and I could sense the beginning of a wild and new way of living. I was full of joy and fear at the same time because I knew that if I listened to this Jesus and followed Him – if I, like the disciples, left my fishing or my tax collecting – He would lead me into treacherous territory, where every day would be an experience of danger and wonder at the same time: an adventure of dangerous wonder!”
-Mike Yaconelli in Dangerous Wonder



coffee talk

This is a scary picture. 

I was sitting inside for a bit but quickly got my iced americano and came outside. The guy I wrote about a few weeks ago who was sitting outside will his Pelligrino and reading The Uncanny was here today. He is on a new book now and was sipping Pelligrino. Also, the man with the perfect facial hair and macbook pro is here too. He is sitting inside and I said hello to him as I walked in. He is wearing a salmon colored shirt, cool jeans, nice brown shoes and looks like he got the new iPhone because he has been on that thing since I got here.  R., the Pastry Chef, is here and looks like the Chef’s are in a little meeting outside. R. let me enjoy some almonds that he made which were perfectly enveloped in a sugar coating. Mmmm.

When I came home from work last nite, I was desperate for chick peas. Why? I have no clue. So I made a chick pea curry thing. YUM!!! I can’t tell you what spices I put in it because my spices are from my Nepali neighbor and there are, of course, no labels. So, if you like chick peas, here is the “recipe”:

*1 can chick peas
*some tomatoes
*some leftover stuff from the pizza I made the day before including: jalepenos, turkey bacon and chicken
*onions
* fresh ground pepper
*cinnamon
*red spices
*dark brown spices
*medium brown spices

DIRECTIONS:
Brown the onions with delicious EVOO (extra virgin olive oil).
Dump in can of chick peas
Dump in other stuff
pour in the liquid from the can of chick peas
Add the spices
Medium high heat
Then reduce to simmer
Eat.
So maybe my future won’t involve writing recipes. But let me tell you. It tastes AMAZING.

I have decided to get in the best shape of my life.

 I am cutting carbs (not as many pizzas for me 😦 ) , taking my vitamins, eating really well and often, and doing crossfit workouts. I feel great! I have a goal in mind and I plan on reaching that.

I mean……yes please.

 I know it will take a lot of hard work and discipline but I’m ready. Did I make vows to August? I don’t think I did. I want nothing to do with the month. Thank God it is almost over.

Did I mention that my birthday is in September?? I think it is the greatest month. My last birthday was terrible and the year that followed was, well, the most difficult one yet. I am pumped for 28 and this next year. If you have clicked the “FOLLOW” button on my blog then thank you. If you remain anonymous then that is fine too but you could click the follow button 🙂 That’s all folks.

Top 5

While at home today, I had the greatest idea ever for a job. So here is what I am going to do. I am going to go to culinary school and someone will pay for it and pay me and I will blog about my time there. Sound great? I mean, if there are people out there who get paid to stay in luxurious hotels in the most beautiful places in the world and if there are people who get paid to eat food and if there are people out there who get paid to travel, then why can’t I get paid to go to school and write about it.
I thought it sounded like a great idea.

This past week (well, sunday-wed), I took a vacation. Let me tell you. It was fabulous. I was quiet. I ate a lot. I went to the movies by myself (I saw Eat, Pray and Love). I made some beautiful things. I wrote a LOT. I read 2 books. It was quite refreshing to say the least.  Although I was not able to come up with a solution to all of the worlds problems, I was able to figure a few things out. Well, maybe not even figure a few things out. What I was able to do was to narrow my “goals” down to a mere 5 areas. Five things that I know my future will consist of. Five things I am passionate about. Five things that get me pumped and five things that set my goals and drive apart from everyone else.   It is easy for myself to like way to many things. Sure I want to sew and paint and learn about photography and bikes and interior design and languages and music and sports and ya see where I get myself in trouble? I just enjoy too much. I would much rather master a few things. So, now I have that list.  I feel more focused. I am more focused.     I really don’t know exactly what I am going to be doing for my “future” but I know it will consist of those five things.  And before you think I am getting off course with going to culinary school and blogging about it, know that food and writing are on the list of five.

Well, I have to go to work now. I am bummed because I would much rather sit here and write and learn. I hope you had a lovely day. I hope you learned something new and ate something delicious

P.S. I made oatmeal cookies today with craisians and cardamom. YUM!

pg 128

“When a woman has God’s beauty -a meek and quiet spirit- she isn’t threatening to those around her. She doesn’t compete; she doesn’t ‘demand her rights’, because she’s secure. Her trust is in God to exalt her in his own way and time, and he does! He can afford to expand her gifts and increase her place in the world, because she’s not grasping for it. That’s God’s kind of beautiful woman.”
-Anne Ortlund

Disciplines

“Under that wonderful umbrella of “if God wills”, we need to decide where we suspect he’d like us to go. We need to see what provisions are necessary for each leg of the journey, and get them. Then we need to say, “No”, “NO”, “No”, daily all the rest of our lives to everything that would get us off course, and keep returning and returning to our personal charts to make sure we’re getting there”. 
-Anne Ortlund in Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman

Coffee talk

Listening to Charlie Parker. Enjoying an iced latte. It is warmer than I like but I didn’t get the usual txt from God asking me what degree I would prefer him to set the thermostat at today. He must not have unlimited texts.

to my left, 3 white girls, all dressed completely different than the other. One in a bedazzled brown skirt with a brown bedazzled belt, those weird boots that are peep toes and sandals all in one. those just confuse me. it is as if the designer started with a boot concept and WHOOPS. we just ran out of pleather….so…do we just make it a sandal? then some goof said YES!! Brilliant!! I, however, do not think it is brilliant. It is just confusing.  She is also wearing a brown top. She is a white girl but seems to have just got back from a month in the Caribbean due to her skin that is browner than mine.  She looks kinda like a glorified Hershey’s bar. . She is drinking champagne. It is 4:00 by the way. The girl to her right seems to have just gone for a run. A bold number 13 hugs the back of her freebie t-shirt. Nike workout short in grey and pink, Asics shoes, leopard print glasses. Red nails. High ponytail with chunky blonde streaks. She is on her phone and telling what seems to be a very important story. The last wolf in the pak is in white shorts, a grey tank and flip flops. She is sipping champagne as well and has on brown glasses that are bigger than her tanned face. She has on a silver watch and a turquoise ring on the opposite hand.

There are white 2 men a few tables up. Both in khakis that make me bored just looking at them. One is in a yellow button down with a brown and orange hat and sun glasses. black shoes. black belt. black socks. black brief case. yawn. The other man is in a blue button down and he is a large man. They just got up and it took the larger blue man 3 strikes before he was out of his chair.

There are 2 more men at another table who look to be hispanic. I won’t talk much about them because I would rather talk about the black man who was sitting at the table in front of me. He kept looking at me as if we were playing a game where I was whispering his name and then looking down at my computer as soon as he heard me. I was not, however, whispering his name. I did not know him. I wondered if he knew that he had ink all over his shirt.

A guy just came out and sat down in front of where the wolf pak is sitting. He was here yesterday and we sat by each other and as I was desperate for an internet connection, I asked him if he was having trouble connecting to the internet as well. He said he was and that it had been like that all day. He has a macbook pro and now he is reading a book but I remember his mac from yesterday. He is drinking iced tea now and he has on reading glasses with orange side thingys why can’t i think of what the part of the glasses that go behind your ear are called… He looks to be from some foreign land but I can’t guess where. He has long hair combed perfectly into a low ponytail and a face that is carefully framed in facial hair. He looks smart and I bet he plays and instrument. Probably guitar. He looks like the type to ride a bicycle places and to hate corporations and probably be vegan. He is in a blue shirt, dark blue jeans and cool brown shoes.

Juxtaposition

It is my favorite word. I am really feeling this in my soul these days. The idea of getting a full time job is tightly packed between being a stay at home mom and running my business in my rolodex of thoughts. My heart is being pulled between 2 very different locations. I see many different roads in which I can take. I have a choice. Oh choices. I am hoping that wise choices are what will get me out of this mess. This beautiful mess that I am in.

Last nite, I did something that I haven’t done in a month. I journaled. I read my last entry to see where life was and what I was dealing with. I am amazed to see how different life looked just a month ago. Wow. In just 30 days the picture of life can go from a plain white canvas to a beautiful piece of art, or, in my case, something resembling some splatter painting done by an amateur. I know in my heart, however, that when all can seem wrong, all can be just right. I know that. My heart knows that. I mean. I really KNOW that. I have been through that. I have felt the pain of that. And here I am again, feeling that. It is in this time that trust and faith and hope are being watered only to sprout their little heads above the pile of dirt and compost.

In reading last months entry, I also read last years and the year before. WOW. How different are my writings now. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the answers that I have been giving. I am now looking at today and seeing how different my life can look 30 days from now. I have the ability to make things happen. I am a person who goes after what I want. And now, in this time, when there are so many options, I sit back and watch it all happen as if I am not the protagonist in my own story, but rather a mere movie goer sitting in the back row with a xlarge refillable trough of popcorn and enough beverage to quench the thirst of a Chinese army, waiting to see who will be the next character to pop up on the screen.

I am still reading “The Tipping Point”. It is great. I have the coolest bookmark in the world (a piece of IMAX format film) to mark my place and remind me of Kansas City. I think I am reaching a tipping point. Slowly but surely.

“I learned that not just any character can work to create a good story. It takes a special kind of character and not just any ambition would define a good story, it took a special kind of ambition. “-Donald Miller.

She didn’t smell like curry

Yes. I am at the library. The library that I am at looks nothing like the picture above which is in Dublin. My library looks new and smells new and has a bunch of Korean’s and middle aged stay at home moms with their children in it. There is no character and it smells clean. I would rather it look like the picture above. Bailey is looking through a Peter Rabbit book as I sit in the corner blogging, looking like a terrible mother…or wait…I could pretend to be the babysitter. 🙂 Bailey just called me mommy. I have been found out.

So I am at the library because, well, I don’t have internet at my house.  I was bumming internet from a lovely Motorola but yesterday, when I tried to get online, I realized that Motorola was no longer there. So. I don’t have internet. I think this is a good thing. Well, its quite terrible but maybe I need this time.

I am currently listening to a mom negotiate why her 5 year old can check out 4 books but her friend can check out 6 because the friend is going on vacation next week (lucky brat) and the she will get Lindsey’s books. The girl said, “NO!”. The mom then told her that she can get one more if she can find one in one minute. The girl is crying saying she can’t find a beautiful one. The mom is now helping her. That child needs to be spanked. The mother needs to read some Dobson.

There is the cutest little Indian girl, about 2 years old who keeps coming over to me saying, “Bub-ull. Bub-ull”. I am chewing gum and she saw me blow a bubble. Her mom, behind me, said that they just read a book about chewing gum. She is a doll so I keep blowing bubbles with my tiny, old piece of Trident. She has little pink earrings, a pink and black dress, and some flip flops that look like boys flip flops. She has short hair which is half up in a side ponytail. Her teeth are cute and spaced and she is def. a thumb sucker due to the protrusion of E and F (I learned stuff from my previous dental career).

Bailey is running around with a boy who is about 6 and has red hair and eyelashes. He keeps trying to get her to chase him. and she is. He sat down by her and she said to him, “Quit following me!”. That’s my girl.

Alrighty. It’s time for home. Last week was a bit rough. I realized that some pages of a story aren’t always exciting. I am learning some good lessons now. I will not look the same 6 months from now. That makes me smile and at the same time makes me realize that a lot is going to have to happen in order to look as differently as I hope. Pray for me. Thank you for being a good friend if you have been a good friend:)  Peace.

coffee talk

Its another week of coffee talk. I just bought Olive Oil here. I don’t think I have been this excited in a bit. Well, maybe since this morning when I realized that I am, for sure, going to see Sufjan Stevens in concert in Kansas City on Oct 17th!!!!!
The olive oil is beautiful. It is made in Italy. All of the wording is in Italian. That makes me happy. The front label says:
Rapitala
Olio
Vergine
DiOliva
I am guessing it just says extra virgin olive oil but. It looks much better in Italian. 
I am sitting at a seat that I usually do not sit at. The piece below is the art piece that I am sitting under. It is much better to look at than the lady with the USA flag that I usually sit under. But, you know what I realized just this second? If I sit under the minimally dressed woman with the flag and heels then I am able to see the piece of art pictured below. But sitting where I am now, I cannot see the art piece below. I can only see the minimally dressed woman with the flag and heels. So folks there you have it. Deep thoughts by myself. Better to sit in front of garbage to see beauty than to sit in front of beauty to see trash. Nope. It sounded better in my head. Anywhoo. Here is what I am sitting under:

I am sitting in the upstairs. There is one guy on his hp and Jose’ who is rolling silverware at the bar. We just talked a bit bout what time I get off work and how late of a nite I am going to have. The guy on his hp is wearing an orange shirt and he has glasses and he is sitting more awkward that I have ever seen a human sit. He is sitting with his legs up in the chair but to the side so he is kinda sitting on them. I am not sure why. He looks so uncomfortable. I can also see downstairs a bit and I see 2 guys on the couch. They clearly don’t know each other as they sit as closely to the opposing sides as possible. The man on the left has salt and pepper hair and looks Italian or Hispanic. He has an hp and is wearing argyle socks, ecru button down, grey slacks. he is wearing a gold band on his left pointer finger and drinking an iced latte. I would guess he was gay by the way he just sipped that latte. No straight man drinks like that. He is well groomed but…he has an hp and a book bag with a NIB tag on it. The other guy is young.  I would say 10 years younger. He is cool. He has a macbook pro. 13inch. He has an old leather bag which I might try to steal. He is wearing cool black boots with little buckles on the side, grey jeans, blue flannel and sipping a black coffee in a mug. He is wearing sunglasses inside and it is not that sunny outside. He has thick sideburns and a little beard. He is not as cool as he thinks but he has really good hair with lots of product. He just saw me staring at him. I must learn to be more discreet.
Well, the time is over and I must go make some money. I had an alright week. I stayed up till 4am watching a french film with Audrey Tatou. I am still ready for an adventure. I am still learning about life and people and relationships. Enjoy your day. Peace.