Monthly Archives: September 2010

always with wings

the last post was so boring and ridiculous that i had to redeem myself. 


single with lots of cats

“And the story begins to materialize, and another thing is happening, which is that you are learning what you aren’t writing, and this is helping you to find out what you are writing.”

There is something so freeing in this concept. To know what you AREN’T writing. To know what your story is not about. I have been watching some characters lately and it’s been really interesting to see how my character relates and doesn’t relate to those around me. I am daily understanding a bit more of the direction my story is going by seeing where it is not going.
 My character will not:
be at the bars every weekend, own a cat, wear a leopard print jacket, drive a mini van, wear sparkly things, get into politics, or cars or video games. My character will not love summer or wicker or Vera Bradley. Vodka tonics, feta cheese or mushrooms will not show up in her kitchen. She will not prefer her hair long and not pick bottled water over tap. Florida or India will not be on her list of places to visit. She will not be caught wearing khakis or those damn bubble dresses or shiny things. She will not get stressed out in traffic or in a long line or when the store is out of what she wants. She will not be moody or a blonde or anorexic. Bright eyeshadow will not be on her lids, nor will bright polish be on her nails. 
As people and things get edited out of the story, the direction and plot become more clear and concise. There is less time wasted and attention can be focused on the story in which the character was made to tell. The beauty in all of this, as this wonderful book I am reading tells us, is that we don’t know where our character is going. It is only then, as we being the writing process and delve into who our character is and isn’t, that we are on our way to having a story. This was all too serious and confusing but it makes sense in my head. 


In a foreign land. You haven’t heard your native language in weeks. Walking thru the market you  hear what seems to be sweet music to you ears. The English language. You put down the wonderfully odd shaped piece of fruit and rush to meet the sound. You ask them where they are from and they could be from Maine or Arizona or South Dakota but none of that matters because at that moment you are both connected on such a deeper level. Whether they are Mormon or Vegetarian or Republican or a Broncos fan means nothing. The excitement is great. You want to know all about this person and their travels and life and childhood. At least I do. I have found an artist who speaks my language. It feels as though he has read my journals, saw my thoughts and somehow, translated all of that into song. I feel exposed when listening to his work. It feels right and necessary and honest.

Modern Vintage

It’s kinda the look right now. When you have two great concepts, why would you not put them together?Look at the magic that can be made. You can’t rush this look. Pieces must be collected slowly over time. Although the look may seem thrown together, the designer and assistants are the only ones who know the ridiculous amount of time and effort this “look” actually took. Careful planning and timely execution is key. The space must be edited over and over again. Feedback is good, as long as it is from one who understands the whole Modern Vintage concept.  A “Shabby Chic”er might not jump on board. It is easy to just do a modern look or a vintage look. The combination of two concepts takes a lot more work. The payoff is worth it. As I am sitting on my porch, bumming internet and dreaming of a re-do of my place, I hear a yelp, which sounds as if a baby leopard has just been choked repeatedly by a WWE wrestler. Or. It could be a large, adult rat getting ran over by a scooter. It is a weird sound and I am not sure what to do about it…..I still hear a faint crying. Maybe a baby. So, what did I do about the disturbing noise? I searched for a better picture to describe this modern vintage concept, changed songs on my itunes and turned it up just one notch.

worst birthday :(

I cannot help but think about the worst birthday I have ever had.
Sixth grade. Raytown Middle School. Party was at noon at Coleman park. I believe it was a Saturday.
Worst birthday ever. I had invited what I remember to be about 30+ people. I invited all the popular kids. How many showed up? Four. Four people showed up to my birthday.  To make it worse, there were some people, who told me they couldn’t come due to previously booked events, at the park playing WHILE my party was happening. Brian Roberts and Aaron Job. No. I did not forget your names.  Nor will I. I remember Christina Sambursky being there. I think my cousin was there but she had to because she was family and one more… I think it was….I don’t remember.
I was included in the four.
So, this memory, as much as I try to get rid of it, still haunts me. My birthday party looked nothing like the one above. As much as I am excited about tomorrow and entering a new chapter, I can’t help but shed a tear in remembrance for the 6th grade birthday party. I hope you never have a birthday like the one I had. I have never had a birthday like the one above but maybe someday.

Chapter 27 is about over

It is almost that time. I think September has gone by way too fast. I have one more day to be 27. For that I am thankful. I have gone thru more as a 27 year old than any other age. Things I have done as a 27 year old:
-gone through a year of dental hygiene school
-raised a 2 year old
-failed out of dental hygiene school
-started 2 new jobs
-perfected my eyebrows
-learned how to cook really well
-gone to KC twice
-gone through the process of divorce
-got rid of television
-left a church
-got a new church family 🙂
-re-did my apt like 20 times
-acquired some great characters for the story
Just to name a few things. I can’t wait to be 28. 
Chapter 27 is coming to a close with Chapter 28 looking very promising!! 


There are few places I don’t ever want to live.
#1. India

I spent today in Maryland for a photo shoot. I went by McDonald’s for a quick bite after my little commute. I was greeted at window #1 by a I had to do a double take and check for a bra girl. A female. I would not call her a woman. She had female parts the parts I could see.  She has a freshly shaved head and her brown arms were covered with tats. Not like pretty girl tats but like thug tats. Like she has seen some thangs. Like she has popped a few caps in an ass or two. I got scared. I gave her my 2.11$ for my cheeseburger and small fry and rushed to the second window……BUT…I think her twin was working the second window. Another black female with a shaved head. Is there some new dress code at Maryland McDonald’s?? This female was scarier than the first and she had a cross tattoo under her eye. WHO DOES THAT!!!!! I will tell you who does that….that chick at McDonald’s in Maryland does that. So she gives me my bag of goodness but I really wanted a water. My voice cracked as I asked her, in the most suburban voice ever, if I could get a water too. I was nervous. She gave me a look as though she was about to make a value meal out of me by ripping my heart of my chest, putting it on a sesame seed bun, adding fries and a red drink. Fortunately, I made it out alive. My fries were not good but I was not about to take them back.
#2. Maryland

28 song life

Today has just been swell. I got the job at Nordstrom, which I applied for last week, and will start on Tuesday with my training….well, I would have started Tuesday had I not booked  a photoshoot. 🙂 Oh life. The shoot will probably be nothing like the picture above but we can all keep our fingers crossed..
Oh.. I know what I really wanted to write about.
One of my favourite friends A. asked me a few weeks ago for the cd of my life. She didn’t really put it like that but kinda. So today, I sat in front of my mac with my itunes opened and went through all the songs, putting together a compilation of a “few” songs that I would pick to sum up my life.
I cried.
I am so glad that I did that.
I learned so much about myself and my journey through that little project.
I tried not to use the same artist twice but Damien Rice and Laura Hackett got 2 songs on my disc.
I was able to sum up my life in a mere 28 songs. Other artists include: Kirk Franklin, Feist, Bach, Jason Upton and Black Eyed Peas. Songs include: Thunder Rolls, Single Again Remix and Everything is Everything. It has been a great day. I put the songs in order of my life events. What would the album of your life sound like?
T-minue one more day till my birthday week 🙂

The ink needs to dry

Creating a new life.
I had no clue that life could be this great.
At one point, I felt as though life was dragging me thru an unending, frigid winter.
Hoping for the spring, I held on, looking up at my Maker for reassurance for new things to come, trusting that one day, the ice will melt and become a refreshing drink for the thirsty ground below. That solid ground, I believed, would soon become a foundation on which life would flourish.
The Lord is faithful.
Life is flourishing.


WOW. I am blown away right now. Not just by the cool Virginia breeze but by the goodness and faithfulness of my God. My heart is in such a great place. I am so thankful for all the Lord has allowed me to go through and all that He continually allows me to go through. There is a constant in my life that nothing can shake. My feet are standing on a Rock that is not moving. I feel the stability. I have worked so hard on the core. It’s all about the core. My gaze is forward and upward.  I hope that you are allowed the experience of getting everything that you hope and plan for ripped out of your life so that you can experience a concept called FAITH and watch the Lord, in His perfect timing, put things back together better than you can imagine and in such a way that shouts to the everyone around you that your GOD IS GOOD!! its my birthday month.