Monthly Archives: December 2010

2010

Unbelievable. This is the last day of the year. Tomorrow is the day that I have been waiting for all year. This year has been the absolute hardest year of my 28 years of living. I am so glad it is coming to an end. As I reflect on the year, my heart can’t help but give thanks. I am thankful for the view in which the Lord allowed the eyes of my soul to see, for without that, I have no idea how I would have made it through this year. I am so glad that 2010 will soon be a memory. I just looked in my journal from last year and the verse I had for this day was Psalm 27:14:

“Wait for the LORD, 
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
Wait for the LORD!”
What a year of waiting it has been. A painfully hard year that I chose to walk through, by the grace of God, because I believe all that has gone on was not about me. There is a story my God is trying to tell and I , in Bre fashion, was the first one to raise my hand and blindly sign up for whatever ‘it’ was. I will read the fine print next time. 
If I am completely honest with you, then I will tell you that I am scared to death for what is to come. Walking out ones story with eyes solely on the Lord with no strategy is the most difficult thing to do. At the beginning of my story, the Lord spoke Isaiah 54 over me. All I have is what God says:
“vs 4 Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;”

“vs 11 O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, I am about to set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires, I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of jewels, and all your wall of precious stones.”

“vs16 See it is I who have created the smith who blows the fire of coals, and produces a weapon fit for its purpose; I have also created the ravager to destroy. No weapon that is fashioned against you shall prosper, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement.”

I am going to keep trusting and see what happens. I thankfully say goodbye to 2010 and gladly welcome 2011. 
Advertisements

Bailey

Bailey rubbed my head today and said, 
“Mom. You are like a brown panda”.
This was a cute hat that she got for Christmas from Anthropologie and her panda which she named ‘Jack’. She wants to drag this huge panda everywhere and she likes to show off her hat by saying,
“I want to show you my balls!”. 
This kid is funny.

There is a power in poverty that breaks principalities

And the plot thickens…
I am pregnant with twins. Just kidding. I am desperately grasping to the promises that God has given me. That is all I have right now. I don’t have any answer but what is in Isaiah 54 and I am meditating day and night on these:

“‘See, I made the blacksmith. He fans the fire to make it hotter, and he makes the kind of tool he wants. In the same way I have made the destroyer to destroy. So no weapon that is used against you will defeat you. You will show that those who speak against you are wrong. These are the good things my servants receive. Their victory come from ME,’ says the LORD”vs 16/17
It is getting hot. Much hotter. 
Also, hear what is in James: 
“Brothers and sisters, follow the example of the prophets who spoke for the LORD. They suffered many hard things, but they were patient. We say they are happy because they did not give up. You have heard about Job’s patience, and you know the LORD’s purpose for him in the end. you know the LORD is full of mercy and is kind” vs10/11
I must remember my purpose in all of this. It is about the story. About the kingdom. I hope a vacation is written in the story somewhere soon…

Average looking white female with coffee mug

Feeling really sad for myself right now. Although I am alone today, this Christmas is SO much better than last years. I am beyond thankful for how fast the year has gone by. I have a feeling that Christmas 2011 is going to be amazing. I am so glad for the hours of labor without epidural or cute gown or pitocin that Mary went through. Happy Birthday Jesus!

Taketh away

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there; the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong-doing” Job 1: 20-22

I dare you.

There comes a point on the journey where you have the option to either give up or keep pressing. The enemy of our soul is doing everything he can to get us to quit.
I choose to press on. There is too much at stake to give up. My destiny is on the line. I am going after it. Despite rejection and abandonment. Despite failure and sickness, loneliness and insecurities. I dare you keep going. I have a feeling that the view on the other side of the mountain will be well worth the difficult climb.  

Beautiful Life

Reviewing the call sheet for an upcoming shoot while sipping on jasmine tea. Life is about to be this good. 

Seasons

It is not here yet. This new season. The spring. Although my heart longs for it, my soul is learning yet another important lesson. It is a lesson in finishing the race that is set before me. I need this time. These last days, weeks and months. I will need this for my future. For what I am called to. One day, this season I am in will be but a memory. I hope to make it a good one. 

Coffee Talk

The first snow of the season is happening right now. My friend A. who lives in the great Jackson TN, made me take this mug when we went to brunch together in Kansas City. It is from a great place called First Watch. I have every intention on returning it lying. The mug is heavy and little and I love it.  I have been sick for a few days and haven’t gone to work and I feel the same crappiness today. I threw away a bunch of things yesterday. I love getting rid of stuff. I like to blame my dad who keeps every newspaper article with anything related to sports and to my mom who still has my Halloween costume from when I was 3. (Now…it did come in handy and Bailey wore it 2 years ago but that is besides the point). I am afraid my children will have no memories unless they are uploaded to a hard drive somewhere. I have taken in more sodium these days of being sick, thanks to the gallons of chicken broth that have been slurped, than I have had all year. I feel like I can now float in water. Time for a few fun facts before I get ready for work…as if you cared…

*I think swedish fish are disgusting!
*We are doing a felt Christmas tree this year
*I have received one Christmas card so far. There was no money, no picture, no Christmas letter. I don’t understand.
*I love old pieces of luggage
*I am planning a little get-a-way for when I am official single 🙂 I am thinking about the Northwest US.
*I own 3 pairs of black shoes. I do not own a pair of black pants.
*I notice a woman’s teeth, eyebrows and nails. I notice a man’s teeth, hem of their pants and socks.
*I ate a half dozen oatmeal cookies yesterday. Random things I added to them were: pomegranate infused craisens, cardamom and orange extract
*I hate horseradish

Happy 9 days till Christmas!!

Destiny

I see the life I so desire and I am going after it.  It doesn’t make sense on paper.  It must happen though, because when you mix what the Lord has called you to with obedience and trust, you birth your destiny. It is not an easy road but I have a feeling it will be well worth the journey.