Monthly Archives: May 2011

Just a few stones

I have been studying the story of David in 1Samuel.
 I am blown away by this man in his faith and confidence in the LORD. 
There is one line that just baffles me:
17:48 “When the Philistine drew nearer to meet David, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine.”

Ran. Quickly. Toward.
So you mean to tell me that there was this giant who was about 10 feet tall whom David had to fight, David was no MMA fighter by the way, and because of his relationship with the LORD, he knew that the LORD would deliver him from the hand of this giant??? AND…You mean to tell me that David didn’t use the weapons that King Saul gave him. He took his armour OFF?
Is this kid crazy??
And THEN the little knuckle head went over to the river bed and picked up some STONES. Rocks. Pebbles. Was he THAT ignorant. Does he realize how silly he looks? Does he know how many people are watching and how much is at stake? 
Maybe he should have paused for a bit and weighed out all the pro’s and con’s for his actions. Clearly, if he thought this out logically he would realize that there was no way he could have won.
But this man knew his God. 
vs50 “So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, striking down the Philistine and killing him; there was no sword in David’s hand.”

Are we begging God to rescue us from the giants that are ready to destroy us or do we run quickly into battle with full confidence in what the LORD has spoken over us. 

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When life sucks

Let’s get real and honest and real honest.
Sometimes life sucks really bad. Like all kinds of cuss words bad. I wake up and I wish I hadn’t. I hate my life and it is doing nothing to love me back. I have eaten all the food in the fridge, watched WAY to much reality tv or basketball, because I’d rather live in their reality than my own, but worse than all of these, it feels as if GOD has put his iPhone on silent while traveling the world helping everyone else but me. This is usually not a one day thing, although those do happen, but in my situation, it lasts more like weeks, months and even YEARS!!
Feel free to jump down here anytime and rescue me LORD! Do you see me down here dodging grenades and shrapnel favorite word all while trying to protect my job and my marriage and my future from being destroyed. DO YOU SEE ME???? Hello? Anyone? Beuller?
And then I start to feel crazy because CLEARLY, if I was a real Christian, I would be quoting cute little scriptures, listening to happy songs while boppin around smiling with glee and not overeating. But that is not the case.
I cry out to God and sometimes use bad words. I ignore my friends and family. I light candles and listen to Jason Upton while hoping my neighbors don’t hear me sobbing through the thin floor below. I shop, I work more, I sleep. I bite my cuticles and gain/lose a bunch of weight. I get really mad at that lady in church, you know, the one with the silly little Bible cover who seems to be living in a different decade,  marchin around tooting her horn of gladness while I am losing extremities down here in the trenches.
 Life feels more like a waging war than a smooth victory.
But I am a real Christian. Go read the Bible. That book is filled with stories of a bunch of scared women, lazy men, old Kings, stuttering goof balls, young Queens, helpless families and homeless people, whom God loved so much that HE allowed HIS child to die for and redeem. It’s quite crazy actually.  None of these people had giddy easy lives. They complained and got in trouble and slept with people they shouldn’t have and didn’t listen and they did all kinds of ridiculousness. If you search a bit, I’m sure you will find a few stories that sounds somewhat like your own. I know I have. And this gives me hope.
So we, in our desperation, helplessness and last bit of energy, have got to keep fighting. We must grab hold of the Word of God, get on our faces, begin to worship HIM and see if HE doesn’t send the
 Red CROSS to save us. 
I have a feeling HE did and HE does and HE will. I also think that when HE does come down to rescue us, HE may ask for us to lift our hand up so HE can grab it. In our pain and weakness, we may have to make an effort and reach out. It may not seem fair or fun or logical, and it probably won’t be, but if we could just see above the storm to the freedom, healing, restoration and victory that awaits…..
Have you every gone through a season like that?

I almost quit

So I almost quit today.
 I wanted to. Like really bad. Not sure it would rank it in the top 5 wanting to quit times but it was def. in the top 20.
 I’m sure you have never wanted to just walk the heck out of your life- Get in your crappy car or your nice leased car, crank up some Metallica or Lil’ RapsALot or whomever gets your gears-a-grindin, hit up the QuickieMart, fill up the tank, get a highly caffeinated, overpriced sugary beverage, and get the you-know-what outta dodge! Man oh man. I may or may not have felt that feeling a few thousand times these past few years.
So I did what most folks would do in this sort of crisis.
 I got to Twitter.
 I saw the tweet that my Pastor posted of the sermon I missed while I was in KansasCity titled:
 ‘Gideon pt1’. Link to podcast
Here are some of my sermon notes who takes sermon notes AND actually keeps them and THEN re-reads them and studies them. I do. I will be getting a crown for that. Just sayin :
~Gideon was not in on the high hill when the angel appeared to him; he was in the low valley (ummm..yes. I can relate to that. I am in no high place right now..well, 3rd floor apt. but that doesn’t count.)
~ Gideon was scared; that is why he was hiding in the wine press (His people were being attacked and he had no idea what to do. I have no clue what to do either)
~Few do what Gideon does-HE DOESN’T QUIT. If you quit then you don’t see the victory (ooh. I want that victory)
~God wants to do something through me not for me. God wants those around me to be able to say, ‘only God could have done that!’(Well, considering my current situation, there is no way I can make things happen. It has GOT to be GOD)
~vs 12, the angel of the Lord calls Gideon a ‘mighty warrior’ although, on paper, Gideon family was the weakest in Manasseh and Gideon says that he is ‘the least important member of [his] family’.(My family is the toughest in  town but I may be the least important member. The point here is that the angel calls Gideon based on how the LORD sees him not who he was on paper. While he was hiding, scared and clearly NOT fighting, he gets called Mighty and a WARRIOR!
I did not feel like a mighty warriorette today. I was a more like the scared Gideona in the earlier verses who was hiding out in the wine press. But that is not what the Lord called me today. The LORD called me out based on who I am in HIS eyes and not who I am on paper. The LORD calls me a mighty warriorette which means :
1. I have got to be strong
2. There is a battle that I am in which means there is something to fight for
So, I did a few push-ups and put on some war paint I did neither of these things and put my perspective in check. I started giving thanks to the LORD, spent some time in worship and most importantly:
I. didn’t. quit!
Have you ever felt like this? 

San Francisco

Next month. 
I will be there. 
It is said to be the ‘asian capitol of the US’ that is ironic considering I am going to visit an asian friend. 
I will be there for 5 days. 
I have never been to the WestCoast. 
I hear it is magical and that I won’t want to come back. 
Things I want to do in SanFran:
-rides bikes across the golden gate bridge
-eat at some great places
-play in the water a bit
-go to the 4-story Anthropologie
What else to do? 🙂

Bless this Mess

We all have a story. The days, months, and years that lead to this very day. Some have sad stories, some boring and others, while only a small handful, really exciting. If I had to put a title on my 28yr story I would call it “A beautiful Mess”. The beautiful part comes from the grace that the LORD has lavished upon me. And the ‘mess’, well:
The Mess
About 7 years ago, I wanted to get married. Like really bad. So I, being the strong 1/2 black woman that I am, made that happen. I just wanted to have my family and run my home and hang clothes on my clothes line and have friends over for dinner parties because we all know that is the reality of marriage (hahah). Looking back, it was a ‘DUH’ as to why I should not have entered into that marriage, but at the time, it was all I could focus on. I wanted a marriage more than I wanted the LORD’s will for my life. So I got it. I started school to become a dental hygienist, so that I could work and provide for my family..biblical, all while raising a 2yr old. Well, within the first year of the program, both my marriage and my education failed. Ugh. I lost my career, my husband, my money, my pride all in the same year. Kind of a lot. And that my friends is what I call the ‘mess’.
The beautiful
I am so thankful that I serve a GOD that is able to make right that which I mess up. The LORD put a new dream in my heart. A dream that could only have come by going through the loss and rejection that I went through. A dream that starts in a closet. In your closet. Cleaning out the clutter, organizing what is left. Simplifying your life. Teaching. Empowering. Encouraging. Because its all about your perspective and when you lose what you thought was ‘everything’, you can either gain depression and bitterness OR hope and a future!
I am excited for a year from now. I am not excited for all the things I have to do now in order to get what I feel is for me because, frankly, I do not enjoy handing out postcards door to door in my neighborhood. That is not fun. But it is the step that I have to take today yesterday to get where I want to be at 30yrs old. I feel like I have a second chance at life and, by God’s grace, I am NOT going to mess this up. 

How to…

So, more than 3 people have come up to me, quite nervous, and told me that they read my blog. They go on to say how they aren’t creepers and that they feel weird telling me that. 
It is not weird.
What is weird is that you people can’t just click the dang FOLLOW button. 
It’s like this, kinda-
I don’t know about you but I listen to ‘listener supported radio’ most of the time. It is the classical station. And they are always trying to raise money because that is how they run their business hence the ‘listener supported’, have I ever sent a check?
I should but I don’t. 
Well, let’s face it. If I were writing for me, which I do, I would not post it on the internet and I don’t post those writings here. 
This is for you. Not asking for money yet, just saying:
‘Hey. This is a reader supported blog. Clicking Follow is merely saying that you are making a free contribution to my writings.’
I recently read a book about setting goals and making them happen. 
I have a goal of 100 followers by the end of the year. 
Help make it happen. Share the blog. Follow the blog. Love the blog 🙂
Here is how to follow:
1. Look to the right and under ‘Readers of the Mess’ is a button that says:
2. Click that button.
3. It will give you options. If you have gmail, then click that button. If twitter, then click that button. If you have Yahoo (I hope you get the point by now). If you have none of these then click the button that says OpenID.
4. Type your name. Hit ok.
5. Receive thanks from me. 
Did you do it?

The Journey

Where are you going and what do you need to get there?

Chapter 1

The LORD knows how to position us for that to which HE has called us. 

Killing Me Softly

As I sit on this patio at a coffee shop in Kansas City, I am plagued with the smell of cigarette smoke. 
Why do people still smoke? I think to myself. 
Don’t these people know how bad smoking is for their body?
Why would you purposely put toxins in your body.
Why would you kill your cells one by one day after day.
Then I thought:
What do I do, day by day, bit by bit, that slowly kills my body, my soul, my mind.

Thoughts of past rejections silently kill my self-esteem.
Musical fumes laced with money & power quietly strum their beat in my heart.
Small doses of fear and doubt go down smooth every 4-6 hours. 
And I die a little bit everyday.

It is time that I wake up. It is time that you wake up. It is time we get the junk out. That we are aware of what we put in our bodies; in our minds; in our souls. 
It is my heart to change lives one closet at a time. 
One meal at a time. 
One conversation at a time. 
One day at a time.
What is on your heart?

To: My brother and new sister

I love you so much. 
You are my first, tallest, smartest, quietest, humblest, gentlest brother. 
I am so stinking glad that you got married yesterday. 
I am sick and tired of you talking about how you want to get married.
I know that you are going to be an amazing husband to Kara. 
I am so honored to call you my brother. 
I love how you take it when Jon and I pick on you. We both know that you are the favorite so we gotta get our jabs in somehow. And remember..being the favorite means that you are going to be the one to wipe mom and dad when they are unable. It is not quite the honor as you may think. will be making more money than Jon and I so you will probably just pay someone to do it.
I am so thankful that you came out to Virginia to live for a bit. I will take full credit for your awesome style and that you are now going to be a chiropractor. Let’s remember the ‘wardrobe’ if you want to call it that, when you came out to VA and how you were gonna move to OK and get a minimum wage job workin at Braum’s or somethin 
My prayer for you as a husband is that you will learn how to love that hot woman of yours as Christ loved the church. That you will serve her and rub her back and let her have the last of the Nutella. That you will become a student of her. 
You are a great man of God and I thank HIM for you.
I am sorry for burning your hand with the lightbulb when we were babies what parents leave an open lightbulb within a 3yr olds reach… but I think your scar is pretty cool so, once again, I will accept your thanks. 
Look. I just met you Friday.
Not quite sure what I fully think about you yet. I mean, you are good looking and your quads are to die for. Your cheek bones are perfect and my brother married you…so..I guess I will learn to love you.
I hope you know that I have not liked ANY of the many girls that my brother hoped to marry. None. But once he told me that you understand his mumbling and you finish his crossword puzzles, I thought, WOW. I really like this chic.
I am so glad to have you as my sister. 
My prayer for you is that you will respect my brother and become a student of him. That you will learn to cook well and you will run a great home. I pray that you will serve him everyday and in every way. Pray for him daily and make sure he doesn’t get fat.
I had a great time with you this weekend and I can’t wait for you and Nate to get back from your honeymoon so I can re-do your wardrobe and teach you how to cook. 
Don’t forget that I am the oldest and wisest of the siblings. 
You got a great man and are one lucky lady.
Welcome to the Thomas family!!
(And don’t ever forget Mrs.Thomas, that I wrestled and I am a Thomas so if you EVER do anything to hurt my brother…
Love you guys!!!!!!!