Category Archives: B00KS

Uncontaminated Trust

photo cred:

“The basic premise of biblical trust is the conviction that God wants 
us to grow, to unfold, and to experience fullness of life
However, this kind of trust is acquired only gradually  and most often 
through a series of crisis and trials.
~Brennan Manning in Ruthless Trust~

What loveliness

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.”
~Sam Levenson in Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere.

The End.

I want to remember this moment. 
This feeling. The reality that things did not~
absolutely did not
turn out the way I had hoped and planned. 
They are so much more difficult and so much better.
 I entered  this home a young hopeful bride and now, nearly 5 years later, I leave this apartment a single mother not knowing where I will be living next week. 
I leave with a few loyal friends by my side painting, taking stuff to the dumpster
 and cleaning the bathrooms. 
I have realized so much in this home. 
I have, many of nights, been on the floor of the bathroom 
balling my eyes out wondering where God was.  
I have been locked in my bedroom scared to death to come out. 
 I have learned how to cook in this kitchen. I started my business here. 
I brought my baby home to this address. 
I have had my lights cut off many a months in this home and wondered how 
I would be able to pay the bill on my own. 
I found out that I failed out of school in the hallway and in the living room was 
where I learned about the affair. 
I painted all the walls and hung every picture. 
I sat on the porch and ate ice cream more than I probably should have. 
I sat in my rocking chair in the middle of the night and nursed my baby with tears in my eyes 
wondering why the Lord would bless me with such a sweet darling. 
I learned the importance of a stud finder, clorox wipes and a mortar&pestle 
I can’t believe 5 years has come and gone. 
Tears fill my eyes as I type this in my bare kitchen ~not because I am leaving this place but in thankfulness in all the Lord has allowed me to go through within these walls. 
I have gotten to know the Lord in this home. 
I have felt His presence and have heard His voice. 
I don’t know where I will be living next. 
My home is the Hilton for now. 
It is all a part of the story and I must walk out these pages. 
And with that, I flip the last page of that book. 
The End.

A Character Who Wants Something

I am having quite a day. An emotional day. I can feel the panic and fear attempting to make itself known in my soul. I also feel the confidence and trust in my GOD rising up. Each one takes its spot in first place, like two runners nearing the finish line. It is a fight to the end. I am reading my favourite book, “A Million Miles and a Thousand Years”, for the third time. As I enter this last month, more than ever, I need to be reminded of the story. McKee says in Miller’s book, 
“But in that place, I remembered about story, about how every conflict, no matter how hard, comes back to bless the protagonist if he will face his fate with courage…It hurts now, but I’ll love this memory, I thought to myself. And I do.”
I am excited for this to be a memory. To look back on how the LORD came through. I just got out my old journal and read the entry from this time last year. Some of it reads: 
“Oh Lord, have mercy on me. I can’t do this-yes I can- I have been doing this for SO long. Can I do it another year? Can I deal with a shitty marriage for another year?…I really hate school a lot….I just want to cry. How many other women out there are feeling my pain. I bet so many. It is the cry of our hearts to feel loved in our marriage; is that such a hard request? What are they afraid of in loving us? Why don’t they get it? Do we get it? Are we suppose to just put up with the shit and go to God? Is that how HE is sure that we are needy of him? I feel as though I am living with my antagonist. Alright-back to the jungle. Lord, I ask for wisdom”.

I am thankful for this past year. Thankful for what the LORD has allowed to happen in my heart. Thankful for the beautiful mess of a story that is my life. Thankful that this time next year, I will love this memory. 
“..and sharing a story with somebody made the story more meaningful.” pg 154.

coffee talk

I am wearing a shirt fyi.

Its an all new coffee talk. I am not drinking coffee now and really feel like I should get one just so that I can properly call this coffee talk. I hate to say it but I am not sitting at my usual Northside Social in Arlington. I am sitting at Panera in Tyson’s corner mall. I already miss the coffee shop and the people. I miss all the employee’s and all my little quirky people that I got to write about. I start today at my new job which is Nordstrom. I am really pumped about it. I do, however, need a new wardrobe for the job so feel free to mail in donations for that. The lighting in here is a bit terrible. I just ate a chocolate covered biscuit. Y.U.M.

There are way too many people in here to blog about. I think I might just pick out a few that stand out and let that be the coffee talk. Already, I am bored of the khaki pant and blue button down with the sad, blue tie, brown shoe, brown belt. I am wondering if it is actually a uniform for the government worker. If it is, then I really need to speak to someone higher up.

There is one lady that stood out to me. She sat at one of the 4 tops for those of you that have never worked in the restaurant industry, a top is in reference to how many seats. So if you have an 8 top, that means you have 8 people seated. You could sit a party of 6 at an 8 top. Or you could sit a party of 2 at an 8 top but you wouldn’t want to do that. You would just sit them at a 2 top. And I digress  with her son who looked about 4 years old. She was wearing a large salmon colored long sleeve shirt and it sadly swallowed her extra small frame. Her son, sipping his organic chocolate milk and dipping those processed chicken nuggets in a little pool of ketchup, kept looking up at her, pleased with the way he was dipping. The woman, however, was preoccupied with her nine dollar tub of greenery to even notice his excitement. She stabbed some greens, looked blankly at the kill, and shoveled it in the opening of her boney face. This process continued.

We are in a war between dullness and astonishment.”-Dangerous Wonder

Random ponderings #3

I really want to write. So I am. Despite the clock saying it is now AM, I will carry on. Umm. Random Ponderings time…..I think so.

I love that my friends know that I am always up late and that they send me txt messages late. It makes me happy.

I am an outward processor. I have used that phrase a lot tonite at work. It is kinda funny. Like it is my disease and you will just have to deal with it. I mean it not as an excuse to say whatever I want but to let you know that just because I have a “great idea” it doesn’t mean that I am actually going to go ahead and proceed with that idea. Like my great idea to travel the world and just eat. Now…would I take that job if it were I selling all my possessions now and looking up flights to Europe? Well, no to the first part but no harm in looking up flights…Right?

I am sitting on my porch. I am cold. Both of these things make me really happy. Like really happy. I am also sipping some tea and the dishwasher is running. All of which is deserving of a smile. :).

I am currently reading, “Prayer” by Philip Yancey and listening to the audiobook , “Traffic” and about to get the book, “The 4 Hour Work Week”….Lots to learn

I went to the farmers market today: apples, nectarines, asian pear, basil, cilantro and green beans are in my possession.

I think a kitchen should either smell like basil or clorox. Currently, mine does.

If you live in the Northern Virginia area, I don’t understand why you haven’t gone to Northside Social and had the Pumpkin Ice Cream. It deserves to be capitalized. It is UNREAL. Get it. And to the maker of that Pumpkin Ice Cream, it must always stay on the menu…..ALWAYS. Thanks R.

I am learning that it is good to test the depth of the water before I cannonball into it. And swimmies are a good help too considering I am not that great of a swimmer.

Birthday Month. Holy September. This month is flying by and I don’t like that one bit.

Monday, I drove to the mountains..Bailey was asleep in her carseat. It was great. I live so close to the mountains. Why don’t I do that more. I will now.

I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a….wait….

I have the best brothers ever. Nate and Jon. Such great guys. Lubooooo.


I have an eating disorder.

I would rather go to Antarctica than India, Oregon than Hawaii, Toronto than Vegas, Maine than Miami, Norway than Paris, Cambodia than Japan, Seattle than NYC.

The above mentioned disorder is called a lot and too much. I am thankful for a speedy metabolism or else I just might look like Jennifer Hudson last season.

Life is really hard now but I will not quit. Okay. I take that back. I might quit a few things but not life itself. I want to see how my story pans out. I also really want to someday have that Hermes watch and have a 6 burner industrial kitchen stove so….I will keep on keepin on.

“I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning”-Psalm 130:5/6

Dangerous Wonder

The numbness of my soul began to dissipate, and I could sense the beginning of a wild and new way of living. I was full of joy and fear at the same time because I knew that if I listened to this Jesus and followed Him – if I, like the disciples, left my fishing or my tax collecting – He would lead me into treacherous territory, where every day would be an experience of danger and wonder at the same time: an adventure of dangerous wonder!”
-Mike Yaconelli in Dangerous Wonder

coffee talk

This is a scary picture. 

I was sitting inside for a bit but quickly got my iced americano and came outside. The guy I wrote about a few weeks ago who was sitting outside will his Pelligrino and reading The Uncanny was here today. He is on a new book now and was sipping Pelligrino. Also, the man with the perfect facial hair and macbook pro is here too. He is sitting inside and I said hello to him as I walked in. He is wearing a salmon colored shirt, cool jeans, nice brown shoes and looks like he got the new iPhone because he has been on that thing since I got here.  R., the Pastry Chef, is here and looks like the Chef’s are in a little meeting outside. R. let me enjoy some almonds that he made which were perfectly enveloped in a sugar coating. Mmmm.

When I came home from work last nite, I was desperate for chick peas. Why? I have no clue. So I made a chick pea curry thing. YUM!!! I can’t tell you what spices I put in it because my spices are from my Nepali neighbor and there are, of course, no labels. So, if you like chick peas, here is the “recipe”:

*1 can chick peas
*some tomatoes
*some leftover stuff from the pizza I made the day before including: jalepenos, turkey bacon and chicken
* fresh ground pepper
*red spices
*dark brown spices
*medium brown spices

Brown the onions with delicious EVOO (extra virgin olive oil).
Dump in can of chick peas
Dump in other stuff
pour in the liquid from the can of chick peas
Add the spices
Medium high heat
Then reduce to simmer
So maybe my future won’t involve writing recipes. But let me tell you. It tastes AMAZING.

I have decided to get in the best shape of my life.

 I am cutting carbs (not as many pizzas for me 😦 ) , taking my vitamins, eating really well and often, and doing crossfit workouts. I feel great! I have a goal in mind and I plan on reaching that.

I mean……yes please.

 I know it will take a lot of hard work and discipline but I’m ready. Did I make vows to August? I don’t think I did. I want nothing to do with the month. Thank God it is almost over.

Did I mention that my birthday is in September?? I think it is the greatest month. My last birthday was terrible and the year that followed was, well, the most difficult one yet. I am pumped for 28 and this next year. If you have clicked the “FOLLOW” button on my blog then thank you. If you remain anonymous then that is fine too but you could click the follow button 🙂 That’s all folks.

pg 128

“When a woman has God’s beauty -a meek and quiet spirit- she isn’t threatening to those around her. She doesn’t compete; she doesn’t ‘demand her rights’, because she’s secure. Her trust is in God to exalt her in his own way and time, and he does! He can afford to expand her gifts and increase her place in the world, because she’s not grasping for it. That’s God’s kind of beautiful woman.”
-Anne Ortlund


“Under that wonderful umbrella of “if God wills”, we need to decide where we suspect he’d like us to go. We need to see what provisions are necessary for each leg of the journey, and get them. Then we need to say, “No”, “NO”, “No”, daily all the rest of our lives to everything that would get us off course, and keep returning and returning to our personal charts to make sure we’re getting there”. 
-Anne Ortlund in Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman