This month, in its first days, purposes to be the most challenging of the year. Life is so hard. So interesting. So out of our hands. You come out of high school thinking you have it all figured out: married, kids, family, great job, cute house, happily ever after…It can really mess with your ideas on life when things don’t go this way.
I think that in this same moment, where the reality of life is juxtaposed with the ideas of how life ought to be, there lies some sort of beautiful mess and freedom and hope. That luckily, things didn’t turn out the way you planned. That there might be a bigger, better storyteller who is in the process of writing a brilliant little story and you are nothing more than the main character. That your job is merely to trust in this Writer. To trust that not only has HE not ever failed your character but that HE also has something planned for your character that you could have never written yourself. From the landscapes your character will see, to the deep pain you will feel, and to the prince/princess your character will fall in love with…HE knows.
Yet sometimes, I still feel that my God is having writers block and is leaving me in the middle of the story going in circles. Maybe it isn’t God leaving me in the story. Maybe it is my character fighting the story. Scared of what the next pages have and unwilling to go through the these very difficult pages. I gotta walk through the painful pages. So do you. For spring lies on the other side of winter.
The past 24 hours have been unbelievable. So much has happened yet on the outside it would seems like not a lot at all. The past day has been about obedience. Little things. I mean little. Nothing crazy at all. Not selling all my belongings or moving to a 3rd world country but doing small things like picking up a silly book, taking someone some food, asking God what I knew I was suppose to ask, and having a discussion with someone.
I do the same with my 2 year old daughter Bailey. Sometimes I have to bribe her to take a nap. Promises of cupcakes and presents await her if she sleeps for a very long time. She does. Other times, I simply tell her to do something. I look at her with confidence knowing that she can do it and confidence that she will trust me…she knows I have nothing but the best planned for her life.
This is how the Lord is towards me.
HE is gentle with my heart. Not screaming at me. Lovingly telling me to take someone food. Kindly urging me to pick up that silly book.
And then it happens.
HE speaks. HE moves.
Things happen in the heavens and I get to be apart of it
The past few years, It’s like I have been locked up. A prisoner in my own home. In my own story. I couldn’t get out, couldn’t get help, stuck in a tragedy.
I have been rescued. From a series of very sad events, I was able to get out. I am out of that story and have been placed in a new one.
A NEW STORY!!!!!
I am daily walking out the pages of my story. Its gonna be a great one.
Today, I was thinking about the past 20 some years of my life and how they looked nothing like I imagined. Then, I started thinking about the next 20. Why on earth would I even for a second think that I can somehow figure out what they are going to look like?!. Silly me.
I know this-
The next 20 are going to be above and beyond anything I could ever dream up in my head. There will be tears and shopping and friends and hopefully a strong man.
I feel different today. I am feeling something that I have never felt. My SOUL feels confident. Confident in the Lord and His plan. In that silly book, the LORD spoke Romans 15:13 to my heart:
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”
I have been overwhelmed with this verse today. WOW. Thank you silly book. Also, some plans that I had made a week ago are not going to happen anymore. I am so thankful. It was the right decision. For that I am glad I asked God the hard question and had a discussion. I listened to an amazing sermon today. It did something in my spirit. For that, I am thankful that I took someone food.
Things are changing. Its a new book, new cover, new author. Pages are being written just as I write now. Im excited.