Something in my spirit tells me that I am getting off track. I gotta get back to the story. It is a hard road ahead but I know the destination will be so worth it. I must endure run the final laps strong. I thank you friends for your prayers and support through all of this. What dear friends I have in my life. I am so thankful. I will get to see a lot of you in the next week and I.CAN’T.WAIT!!!!
I cannot help but think about the worst birthday I have ever had.
Sixth grade. Raytown Middle School. Party was at noon at Coleman park. I believe it was a Saturday.
Worst birthday ever. I had invited what I remember to be about 30+ people. I invited all the popular kids. How many showed up? Four. Four people showed up to my birthday. To make it worse, there were some people, who told me they couldn’t come due to previously booked events, at the park playing WHILE my party was happening. Brian Roberts and Aaron Job. No. I did not forget your names. Nor will I. I remember Christina Sambursky being there. I think my cousin was there but she had to because she was family and one more… I think it was….I don’t remember.
I was included in the four.
So, this memory, as much as I try to get rid of it, still haunts me. My birthday party looked nothing like the one above. As much as I am excited about tomorrow and entering a new chapter, I can’t help but shed a tear in remembrance for the 6th grade birthday party. I hope you never have a birthday like the one I had. I have never had a birthday like the one above but maybe someday.
There is so much to learn on this journey. Just when you think you are going along the roads of life all fine and what not, a dear friend comes along and shoots you straight. I am thankful for that type of person.
The type who won’t just run down the court with you and the ball of your thoughts and emotion and feelings you just passed to them hoping they will shoot a 3 and the crowd will cheer, but one who will chest pass that ball right back to you while giving you the confidence to shoot your own shot. I don’t know if you knew me at all in high school but if you did, you are well aware that I was on the basketball team. Notice I did not say that I played basketball. I was, however, on the team And if you were one of these who graced the halls of RHS with myself then you probably went to the biggest bball game of the year in which we play RSHS.
Now, I am sure you did not really care to watch the JV girls but I bet you were there for our game. And…I know that you saw what I did in that game. I am shaking my head now in remembrance. For the fellow readers not fortunate enough to have been there let me give you a quick, painful recap:
well, since i never actually really “played” I was not used to game situations. hahah. i just sound stupid. ps. i only tried out for bball because i knew it would be a good workout in between track seasons. it had NOTHING to do with my love for basketball. this is kinda like how i wanted to join the Army because I knew basic training would be a good workout. what is WRONG with me people. anyways. so, of course i get put into the game with the last minute left on the clock. i am sure we were down by a few. i don’t remember details. WHY? because i was not paying attention to the game. when you sit on the bench every single game, you get used to this. you feel like i fan in a matching jersey and Jordan’s. so, back to my second most embarrassing moment, long story short, i somehow steal the ball and run to the opposite goal. I shoot and of course miss. no one was around me.
i missed the lay up. don’t laugh. i mean. do you know what this does to a girl in high school!!!! yeah. messes you up. you get humbled really quick. and never get put in the game again. that was my one and only year of bball.
Some of my friends are there to cheer me on, some are there to make sure my laces are tied and my jersey is tucked in, some are there to make sure I don’t go out for the team next season and others are there to make sure I never get the ball.
I love you all and am glad to call you friend.
I am drinking my Belgian beer and eating Brussels cookies. hmmm. If I can’t be in Europe then I will bring Europe to my house. I have really tried to process what has been going on but it is kinda hard with a 2 year old wanting you to hold her while having episodes 17-20 of “Gummi Bears” on repeat. I have about 60 days to get out of my apartment. I am moving. For real. Moving closer to the city. D.C. I am excited. I found out that we can file for divorce as of January 1st. JANUARY 1ST!!!!! That is so soon. That was by far the best news of my day. Why am I listening to Christmas music?
I am going to start putting lots of effort into my business. I haven’t been. at.all. I have had clients come to me and really haven’t taken anytime to get the word out or do any sort of marketing. For those who did not know, I am a Personal Style Consultant. Best job ever huh? If you have seen the show What Not to Wear, then you know what I do. without the camera and without the 5K. I love allowing women/men to see the power that a wardrobe can have. To feel beautiful. To dress the body that is currently theirs. Not 10lbs lighter or how it used to be but how it is now. I teach my clients about the importance of proportion and fit in their clothing. I teach them how to shop with a purpose and on a budget. I throw away the horrible things I find in their closets and bring to life things that they didn’t know were great. I shop for those who hate to shop and bring bags of goodness to their homes. I love what I do. This is just a time of transition for me as I look for a new home and spend lots of hours building my business.
I have about 9 pen pals now. It is so much fun. I had to buy more stamps yesterday. I have 2 in Missouri, 4 in Virginia, 1 in Tennessee, 1 in Georgia and 1 in California. Thank you to my pen pals. It is fun getting to know you and your handwriting and your paper and your envelopes. I love getting your letters in the mail. I would love to have pen pals in each state and some overseas. I gotta think of a cooler word than pen pal. I am going to Kansas City the end of August/early Sept. I don’t know for how long. Maybe a few weeks. I am excited for that trip. My last trip their was awesome and I expect this one to be even better. I am glad July is almost over and I hope that August goes by even faster. It is my least favorite of all the months of the year. It is the hottest. Grrrrrr. September is just around the corner, which means I will be 28 years old. Bring it. I am ready to be 28. Top 3 recent searches in my google search thingy:
1. how do you say goodbye in Swedish
2. how tall is Halle Berry
3. Adele Best for Last Lyrics
Today, Bailey (my daughter) looked at some of my new modeling pictures and said, “Momma. You need a hair cut and you have a bad face.”
Okay. So……after I shut my computer, I asked Sam if he was a photographer. He said no. I was so wrong. I felt like I wanted to go back and edit my blog post. I did not. I don’t know what he does now. My whole story about him is off now. He has to be some sort of artist. He was writing something and I saw some big words. He had a special keyboard for his mac. A weird one that was really close. I don’t think I would like it. SO…..
Crazy old Maurice (line from Beauty and the Beast) over here (which is suppose to be me) TOLD HIM THAT I WAS BLOGGING ABOUT HIM!!!!.
Oh my gosh. Not only do I do that BUT.
Sometimes I wonder about my own judgement. I know you do to. wonder about my judgement that is. I prefer the strikeout over the parenthesis.
I spelled out the web address. I felt a bit weird, hoping that I didn’t write anything inappropriate about him. I don’t think I did. I mean, saying that you sat so close to someone that you could smell their hair isn’t weird……is it? creepy. yes. weird. no.
And I was late for work because of all this and I got written up for it. Work was slow…so….slow.
It was one of those nites that makes you question what the heck you are doing in life and makes you want to quit. BUT…
I got a random text from an 816 area code that is kansas city earlier today. I didn’t know who it was from and the 816 person didn’t tell me. I just knew it wasn’t a man cuz that is what the texter said. We played this game all day of me asking questions and guessing. I finally got the answer tonite. It was so much fun. Thank you A for the fun little “who the heck is this” game. I love you. The texter wrote something that changed the rest of my nite. She said that this part of the story is the part that gets edited but everyone knows happens. I am so dumb and deleted my inbox so I don’t have the exact txt. She said that this is the part of the story where I wait in the stillness. Wait…and then the next part of the story goes,
“Until one day…..”
🙂 It made my day when she typed that. Yeah…that is how it is going to go. I am just walking out these pages and then….One day…….
who doesn’t want a handwritten letter in the mail? I remember in 5th grade at Robinson Elementary that I had a penpal. I loved it. I have a penpal now. We ask questions and say some randomnesses about ourself and our day. It is the best 44 cents ever spent. Let us support the US mail (which might have to shut down here in a few years thanks to technology and the fact that people don’t know how to write…only texting now) and buy a stamp. email me your address: firstname.lastname@example.org
don’t email me your email address. your HOME address. I know…we don’t use it much anymore. ask the mailman if you aren’t sure.
algernon should get letters. not flowers.
I mentioned a few posts ago that I was going to a wedding while I was in Kansas City. I went. It was perfect. I thought I would know some people when I got there but I only knew the brides family. I invited myself to sit with a table of all really cool people. There were only 2 people sitting down when I first got there but then a bunch of really cool people soon came. The table consisted of 4 couples, a baby and me.
#1. married 2 years. 3 months pregnant.
#2. married. handed out programs at wedding. really cute. guy in skinny suspenders and shoes w/no socks.
#3. married. hairstylist wife who is pregnant (with baby #2) and has a chest piece (tat). husband has dreads and tat’s and is really cool
#4. married. cutest baby.
then there was me.
I had so much fun and met a bunch of really cool people. I told the bride how much I loved her and made crude jokes with the groom. I hung out with the brides grandma(B’s mom) and brought her iced tea. She is from Mississippi. I ate the best piece of white cake that I think my mouth has ever tasted and ate all of the awesome food on my plate. I stayed till the very end and talked with some funny people after the wedding. I just journaled what my heart felt and I want to just share this little part from it:
“The K/W wedding was unbelievable. I was emotional-my heart so desired what I saw there. 2 young hearts completely in love; 2 families coming together. The W’s were fully supported. The wedding looked vintage. There was food & dancing. The bride was nervous for her wedding nite. Their friends were cool & supportive. Lots of skinny ties & scruff & tattoos. All wonderful things. As I was watching them have their first dance, my heart really felt. I wanted that. My heart wanted that feeling. N was playing with her hair & looking at her in a way that I have never seen. My heart longed for that atmosphere. Surrounded by cool creative people who are walking out their little creative lives & who all truly love K & N. As my heart was coveting, the Lord spoke so tenderly to those thoughts, “I have something for you. It is not this. It is fully YOURS.” WOW. I felt it. My heart stopped coveting. I thanked the Lord for that. My heart let that moment be fully theirs. I no longer tried to steal it. I did, however, take notes on the decor”
What the LORD has for both you and I is fully OURS. What a freeing thought.