Category Archives: hope

Final 2011 post

Hey friends!

This will be my last post of the year. I leave in just a few hours for  a surprise overseas trip. AHHHHH!!

I have a feeling it is going to be magical.

I can’ t wait to post when I get back and tell you about all the wonderful little adventures that happened.

I am BEYOND thankful for this year. It has been the hardest yet most amazing year of my life. I am not the same person that I was last December and for that I am grateful. The Lord has stripped my life of the things I thought I needed and has given me HIM in its place and there is where I have found my joy & contentment. I have felt more rejection, failure, sorrow & loneliness in this year and at the same time, I have also experienced the deepest love, understood redemption a bit and have witnessed  the most crazy provision:

~I was completely out of toilet paper, prayed, and a random person showed up with a a pack of toilet paper

~I had no gas in my car, and no money to buy gas, and a friend told me to meet her at the gas station so she could fill up my tank

~On a day where I didn’t have money to buy lunch nor food in my fridge to bring, a co-worker just happened to bring extra food for me

~My rent was paid, for 8 months straight, by someone different each month

~I went to Disney World, for FREE!

~Not to mention that someone brought Bailey and I into their home…RENT FREE!

This is just a tiny little bit of the things the Lord has done. I can honestly take ZERO credit for any of this. The Lord is crazy & awesome and up to so much good for our lives. Sometime though, we have to go through some deep painful things so that we will learn to trust in the Lord & become fully dependent on Him. Let me be the first to tell you that it is not fun or easy. Not knowing where you will be living, how your baby will get fed or what on earth the Lord has for your next page is not fun. I think that is why so many people stay in their safe little stories even if they hate the story they are in. At least there is something familiar & comfortable about it, but when I read the Bible, I have yet to read where people who follow Jesus lead safe comfortable lives. Is that in your Bible?

My prayer for 2012 is that we would be willing to abandon the safe little story that we have held onto in our minds. That we would allow the Lord to write us a story that people would want to read. A story of adventure & faith & trust. That we would no longer desire the petty things of this world but that we would be desperate for the Father & His mighty Word. In this next year, decide to give it up. Allow the Lord to just rock your world and take your story to a place that you would never expect.

I can’t wait to tell you all about my trip. I will be back after the first of the year.

I am jumping into a new story and am excited to see what the first few pages have!

You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, so that my soul may praise you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”~Psalm 30:11


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“Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines; though the produce of the olive fails and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will exult in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights.”

~Habakkuk 3:17-19

From the journal…


Journal entry: March 23rd 2011

“My story is not for me.It is for you and your doubt and your fear and your abandonment. None of thisstuff matters. Jesus is what matters. And not that your hurt or your sorrow isnot important but it is that, despite that. Despite the mess ups and theimperfections and the failure and the rejection-Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Whispers sogently in the ears of our soul- I love you. I have a plan for you and yourlittle mess of a life. Ive got it. I know you don’t know. I know you don’ttrust and you fear, but darling daughter, you are mine. I picked you. I createdyou. I love you darling. And I, your father, your husband, your maker, willNEVER leave or forsake you. Oh sweet darling. My darling daughter. I love youmore than you could ever imagine. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it.This is not a surprise to me. I am allowing something in your soul to happenthat would not otherwise happen. I know. Cry. Feel. Weep daughter. I will showyou step by step my faithfulness. I know you don’t fully trust me. I know itshard. I will prove my faithfulness to you and you wont ever have to doubt. Butyou will. And I will prove to you over and over again. Because I love you. Youare darling to me. You can not imagine what I have for you. I smile when I seeyou trying to picture it. You can’t even fathom it. You can’t make it happen.Only through your obedience and my grace will you get there. It will be harderthan you trying to do life in your own strength because many a days you won’tknow what is next. It won’t make sense to those around you, like Noah, but knowwhat I have spoken to you daughter. Know my voice. You know my voice. You knowthe still sound of my voice. Follow that. Be gracious and follow that. I willnot leave you. I have not brought you this far to leave you. I will not leaveyou. I am not man who will leave you. I am your God. When you feel like you cango no further; keep going. It is through that push. Just like the last pushesof labor, when you feel you can push no more, that you birth the promises Ihave for you.”

Bless this Mess

We all have a story. The days, months, and years that lead to this very day. Some have sad stories, some boring and others, while only a small handful, really exciting. If I had to put a title on my 28yr story I would call it “A beautiful Mess”. The beautiful part comes from the grace that the LORD has lavished upon me. And the ‘mess’, well:
The Mess
About 7 years ago, I wanted to get married. Like really bad. So I, being the strong 1/2 black woman that I am, made that happen. I just wanted to have my family and run my home and hang clothes on my clothes line and have friends over for dinner parties because we all know that is the reality of marriage (hahah). Looking back, it was a ‘DUH’ as to why I should not have entered into that marriage, but at the time, it was all I could focus on. I wanted a marriage more than I wanted the LORD’s will for my life. So I got it. I started school to become a dental hygienist, so that I could work and provide for my family..biblical, all while raising a 2yr old. Well, within the first year of the program, both my marriage and my education failed. Ugh. I lost my career, my husband, my money, my pride all in the same year. Kind of a lot. And that my friends is what I call the ‘mess’.
The beautiful
I am so thankful that I serve a GOD that is able to make right that which I mess up. The LORD put a new dream in my heart. A dream that could only have come by going through the loss and rejection that I went through. A dream that starts in a closet. In your closet. Cleaning out the clutter, organizing what is left. Simplifying your life. Teaching. Empowering. Encouraging. Because its all about your perspective and when you lose what you thought was ‘everything’, you can either gain depression and bitterness OR hope and a future!
I am excited for a year from now. I am not excited for all the things I have to do now in order to get what I feel is for me because, frankly, I do not enjoy handing out postcards door to door in my neighborhood. That is not fun. But it is the step that I have to take today yesterday to get where I want to be at 30yrs old. I feel like I have a second chance at life and, by God’s grace, I am NOT going to mess this up. 

Sweet Bed

This week has been a bit rough as I have been sick for most of it.  I feel much better now and it is good to be back in society.
The Lord has been speaking to my heart a lot this week and I am really excited to see how things manifest. 
We have a choice when it comes to walking in obedience. We have a part to play. I think sometimes, we  wait for God to do something when He is waiting for us to move and be obedient to what He has already told us to do. We have to take a step. It is scary.
I am currently in a situation where, from the natural eye, there seems to be no way out. The cool thing about following the Lord is that when there seems to be no way…He makes a way. 
The hard thing about watching miracles happen in your life is that…well, you have to wait. You have to trust. Things have to been against you and then, by God’s grace, things work out.
But is it awesome after the fact when the Lord, in fact, comes through. 
So much is going on and so much of it I can’t see. 
The Lord has been nothing but faithful throughout this journey I have been on. 
He promises not to leave me. 
He won’t leave you either. 
He has not brought you this far to leave you. 
Keep pressing on; through the pain, through the uncertainty.
The Lord spoke this to me this week:
‘I will not leave you. I have not brought you this far to leave you. I will not leave you. I am not man who will leave you. I am your God. When you feel like you can go no further…keep going. It is through that push; just like the last pushes of labor, when you feel you can push no more, that you birth the promises I have for you.’

(I am pushing. We might have to do a c-section though. Get this thing OUT!!!)

The drive

There is a place that I am trying to get to. I have no clue how to get there..I just know that I am suppose to be there. 
If you have ever had the opportunity to drive from, say, Missouri to Colorado, then you can understand my pain. 
Kansas has some great basketball and people but the drive… 
And not just boring but hours and hours and hours of boring. It feels like you are never going to make it and you think about turing back often. 
There is a place that I am trying to get to. The only way to get there is to keep going and to ask for directions along the way. 
Have you ever felt like you have been driving and driving yet you still can’t see the outline of the mountains? 

I feel like I can make it

Because of HIS grace, I have been able to walk through this storm. And ya know what…

Beautiful Life

Reviewing the call sheet for an upcoming shoot while sipping on jasmine tea. Life is about to be this good. 

One day

That dress!