Category Archives: pain

Final 2011 post

Hey friends!

This will be my last post of the year. I leave in just a few hours for  a surprise overseas trip. AHHHHH!!

I have a feeling it is going to be magical.

I can’ t wait to post when I get back and tell you about all the wonderful little adventures that happened.

I am BEYOND thankful for this year. It has been the hardest yet most amazing year of my life. I am not the same person that I was last December and for that I am grateful. The Lord has stripped my life of the things I thought I needed and has given me HIM in its place and there is where I have found my joy & contentment. I have felt more rejection, failure, sorrow & loneliness in this year and at the same time, I have also experienced the deepest love, understood redemption a bit and have witnessed  the most crazy provision:

~I was completely out of toilet paper, prayed, and a random person showed up with a a pack of toilet paper

~I had no gas in my car, and no money to buy gas, and a friend told me to meet her at the gas station so she could fill up my tank

~On a day where I didn’t have money to buy lunch nor food in my fridge to bring, a co-worker just happened to bring extra food for me

~My rent was paid, for 8 months straight, by someone different each month

~I went to Disney World, for FREE!

~Not to mention that someone brought Bailey and I into their home…RENT FREE!

This is just a tiny little bit of the things the Lord has done. I can honestly take ZERO credit for any of this. The Lord is crazy & awesome and up to so much good for our lives. Sometime though, we have to go through some deep painful things so that we will learn to trust in the Lord & become fully dependent on Him. Let me be the first to tell you that it is not fun or easy. Not knowing where you will be living, how your baby will get fed or what on earth the Lord has for your next page is not fun. I think that is why so many people stay in their safe little stories even if they hate the story they are in. At least there is something familiar & comfortable about it, but when I read the Bible, I have yet to read where people who follow Jesus lead safe comfortable lives. Is that in your Bible?

My prayer for 2012 is that we would be willing to abandon the safe little story that we have held onto in our minds. That we would allow the Lord to write us a story that people would want to read. A story of adventure & faith & trust. That we would no longer desire the petty things of this world but that we would be desperate for the Father & His mighty Word. In this next year, decide to give it up. Allow the Lord to just rock your world and take your story to a place that you would never expect.

I can’t wait to tell you all about my trip. I will be back after the first of the year.

I am jumping into a new story and am excited to see what the first few pages have!

You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, so that my soul may praise you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”~Psalm 30:11


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Painful pages

This month, in its first days, purposes to be the most challenging of the year. Life is so hard. So interesting. So out of our hands. You come out of high school thinking you have it all figured out: married, kids, family, great job, cute house, happily ever after…It can really mess with your ideas on life when things don’t go this way.


I think that in this same moment, where the reality of life is juxtaposed with the ideas of how life ought to be, there lies some sort of beautiful mess and freedom and hope. That luckily, things didn’t turn out the way you planned. That there might be a bigger, better storyteller who is in the process of writing a brilliant little story and you are nothing more than the main character. That your job is merely to trust in this Writer. To trust that not only has HE not ever failed your character but that HE also has something planned for your character that you could have never written yourself. From the landscapes your character will see, to the deep pain you will feel, and to the prince/princess your character will fall in love with…HE knows. 

Yet sometimes, I still feel that my God is having writers block and is leaving me in the middle of the story going in circles. Maybe it isn’t God leaving me in the story. Maybe it is my character fighting the story. Scared of what the next pages have and unwilling to go through the these very difficult pages. I gotta walk through the painful pages. So do you. For spring lies on the other side of winter. 

The Soul Train

It is quite an amazing experience to actually walk through either a painful or emotional process. I have blogged on this before I believe. About the difference in walking through and experiencing the emotion rather than just trying to get over it or suppress it. Something so significant happens in the soul. The soul is allowed to grow up and get a bit more stable and understand life in a richer way. I hope that I never want the process of life to rush by. I hope to glean all I can from the moments that happen. I hope to take mental pictures so that might remember who I was with and what I was about at the time it happened. As I sit on my bed right now- typing, listening to Carla Bruni, windows open, rain pouring and wind blowing, I thank my God for this nite. This emotional nite in which my soul was able to grow up a bit more. A nite where my Lord met me in my fear and questions. A nite where I was able to feel the weight of it all and then able to feel the relief of it all as my Jesus lifted the burden and simply loved on me.

“Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”
Proverbs 4:23