Category Archives: prayer

Final 2011 post

Hey friends!

This will be my last post of the year. I leave in just a few hours for  a surprise overseas trip. AHHHHH!!

I have a feeling it is going to be magical.

I can’ t wait to post when I get back and tell you about all the wonderful little adventures that happened.

I am BEYOND thankful for this year. It has been the hardest yet most amazing year of my life. I am not the same person that I was last December and for that I am grateful. The Lord has stripped my life of the things I thought I needed and has given me HIM in its place and there is where I have found my joy & contentment. I have felt more rejection, failure, sorrow & loneliness in this year and at the same time, I have also experienced the deepest love, understood redemption a bit and have witnessed  the most crazy provision:

~I was completely out of toilet paper, prayed, and a random person showed up with a a pack of toilet paper

~I had no gas in my car, and no money to buy gas, and a friend told me to meet her at the gas station so she could fill up my tank

~On a day where I didn’t have money to buy lunch nor food in my fridge to bring, a co-worker just happened to bring extra food for me

~My rent was paid, for 8 months straight, by someone different each month

~I went to Disney World, for FREE!

~Not to mention that someone brought Bailey and I into their home…RENT FREE!

This is just a tiny little bit of the things the Lord has done. I can honestly take ZERO credit for any of this. The Lord is crazy & awesome and up to so much good for our lives. Sometime though, we have to go through some deep painful things so that we will learn to trust in the Lord & become fully dependent on Him. Let me be the first to tell you that it is not fun or easy. Not knowing where you will be living, how your baby will get fed or what on earth the Lord has for your next page is not fun. I think that is why so many people stay in their safe little stories even if they hate the story they are in. At least there is something familiar & comfortable about it, but when I read the Bible, I have yet to read where people who follow Jesus lead safe comfortable lives. Is that in your Bible?

My prayer for 2012 is that we would be willing to abandon the safe little story that we have held onto in our minds. That we would allow the Lord to write us a story that people would want to read. A story of adventure & faith & trust. That we would no longer desire the petty things of this world but that we would be desperate for the Father & His mighty Word. In this next year, decide to give it up. Allow the Lord to just rock your world and take your story to a place that you would never expect.

I can’t wait to tell you all about my trip. I will be back after the first of the year.

I am jumping into a new story and am excited to see what the first few pages have!

You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, so that my soul may praise you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”~Psalm 30:11


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Crazy mesh

What a crazy mesh of emotion my heart is going thru right now. It is really hard to believe that one can feel deeply saddened and grieved yet at the exact same moment feel absolute joy. The heart can feel completely alone and isolated all the while feeling surrounded and protected. I don’t know how this works. Life has never felt more real than it does now. Life is so hard and complex and yet so simple and beautiful.

The Lord is bringing up so much in my heart. I am easily reminded of my lack. Of my mess. Of my fears. Of the place that I am in now and all that I will need to go through to come out better than when I went in. I don’t know how to walk this out. I don’t know what I should be doing this year. I mean, I know I will be in school, moving, finding a job and taking care of Bailey but I don’t know what my HEART is suppose to do. I prayed a really scary prayer again last nite. You know that prayer of asking the Lord to do what it takes in order to get you into the place that He has called for you. If you have not prayed that then please note: God is Faithful. I prayed that prayer about a year before I left for Hawaii to do my DTS with YWAM. That was one of the  loneliest years of my life. I lived alone, had no friends and no man even looked at me. BUT…I learned so much that year. I was broken to a new level. My heart started to become free.

I feel like this year is going to be a year of breaking free and allowing the Lord to fight for me.
Exodus 14:14
          “The Lord will fight for you- you need only to be still!”
This is the most comforting yet frightening scripture to me. For 1. I am a fighter. 😉 2. Being still?

AHHH! So to sum things up. I need all the prayers I can get for this year because you better believe I want all that the Lord has for me. You better believe I have so much to learn and have every intention to go thru the fire. And you better believe that just because my heart is joyful and I am strong in the Lord DOES NOT mean that I am not sad and broken and so weak sometimes. One of the difficult and lonely thing about being a strong black woman and a strong white woman is that people tend to leave you alone because they see that you are not wimpering in a corner. There are days that I do wimper in the corner. BuT! I will not allow the enemy to destroy me. I have to get up. I have a destiny and a hope and a future that needs to be had. I will have it. If you know me even a bit then you know that I hate to lose. Maybe coming from an athletic family and being the oldest of 2 wonderful brothers (whom I seriously destroyed over the years) has made me that way. Of course it has.